So last night I had dream.
I was driving in a car, and I was on this winding road, out in the middle of these really tall hills with grass fields spreading all around, and it was really dark and cloudy. I was driving really fast, and it was hard to make the turns, but then this huge helicopter started flying above me, and it covered the entire horizon, the whole sky, and the blades were whirring and it made it even more difficult to see what was coming ahead. My depth perception began to get all distorted and my eyesight confused by the spinning of the helicopter blades, and so it made the turns even more difficult, not only could I not really see them coming, my eyesight was confused and my depth perception off and so I couldn't even really tell if I was turning or not, or if I was turning at the right time, even when I realized I needed to turn.
But suddenly, I just let go of the wheel, and my car flew off the road, and I was apparently very high off the ground, because as my car began to descend toward the ground, I began to float out of my car, and so soon my car is gone and I'm just kind of flying through the air towards the earth below.
flash
At this point the dream completely changed, I was still flying through the air, but everything was brighter, more vivid. Usually dreams are sort of fuzzy around the edges, never completely clear. This was the polar opposite of that, the clarity was breath-taking. So I'm falling through the air and there is a huge roller-coaster in front of me. I should also mention at this point I'm wearing this amazing purple jump-suit. So I stretch out my arms as I fall directly toward this roller-coaster and I reach out and catch one of the metal arms holding up the track. Then I climbed up onto the track and looked up.
.
.
.
When I woke up from that dream I was just like, "Wow! That was so clear!" And it sort of just stayed in my mind all day today. I came into contact with a few people and I just had to tell them about it. And I thought about it, and thought it was a pretty cool dream, but that was it.
Then, a few minutes ago I was in the kitchen at my work, washing some cups. And I just began to sing in tongues, and within a few seconds that dream came back into my mind, and God revealed to me that it wasn't just a cool dream.
He told me that the car I was driving in represents safety, what's safe. And I'm going through life in this little box, 'cuz I've learned how to drive in this box, and I know the rules while I'm in this moving box, plus I don't really have to work very hard to get somewhere in this box, I just put my foot on the pedal and kind of speed past everything. I don't really know where I'm going but I know I'm supposed to go forward, I know I'm supposed to be pressing towards God, but I'm sort of blindly rushing towards it. Things are dark because I lack understanding. Then the Helicopter is my secret sin, and the devil is kind of always throwing that in my face, and it confuses me and it hinders me from fully understanding where God is taking me, where He wants me to go. It messes my up my depth perception and puts fear in my heart, keeps me from trusting that God is going to take me through the next turn, I can't tell when I'm supposed to turn and I'm afraid.
My driving off the road is an accident, but God has intended it for good, through it He pulls me out of my safe little moving box and I begin to fly through the air, and as I leave behind the box of my former paradigm flash he changes my whole existence. Suddenly everything is clear and bright, I can see what's around me for miles in every direction. The jump-suit isn't significant, but the color is. It's purple. Purple represents royalty, and God was saying to me that He's going to clothe me in authority, once I leave behind my fear and secret sins and personal safety, he's going to give me a new authority that I'll walk in as I reach out and catch His calling. The roller-coaster represents my walk, my future, my destiny. It will be like a roller-coaster, with ups and downs, but unlike the road, the roller-coaster has a driver, has an engineer, who's in control, and as I let go and allow God to be in control He will take me to destinations I never before thought possible.
.
.
.
How do I know that it wasn't just some silly dream? 'Cuz I seriously was thinking about it all day, and talked to people about it, and the moment I began to pray in tongues, boom! It all clicked in my mind instantly.
Craziness.
I'm mostly posting this in order to remember it.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Spiritual sparring.
So twice recently, I have woken from a disturbing dream, tossing and turning in my bed, to my heart beating quickly, and a strange pressure on my body. And so I wake up and look around and I don't see anything, but I just feel something.. dark.
It's not an overwhelming presence, just a little perverse thing. There are many, many stories about people who are awoken by things that people refer to as "ghosts" or "spirits".
Recently in my life, I've made some choices to spend more time in prayer, to increase my work ethic and overall integrity. The youth ministry I've been a part of has been growing, and we are taking ground for the Kingdom in the lives of our students. I feel like we're finally moving in the right direction. My relationship with my savior has gotten deeper. We're more connected in our community and in our larger Foursquare family.
My mentors always told us that when you start actually being effective in the Kingdom, that Satan will start attacking you. He'll do whatever he possibly can to affect your faith for the negative, to try to disconnect you from God.
These small spiritual skirmishes that have been happening in my room kinda suck, because they rob me of precious sleep, but at the same time, they're kinda encouraging, because they let me know that I must finally be doing something right. I've attracted more physical and forceful plans of attack. Usually, the devil can use more subtle attacks and just clean my clock off and then I make bad choices and end up getting off track. I think he's realizing that that time is coming to an end, and so he's getting scared and desperate, and he's trying these weird attacks at night. But if that is all he's got.. I'm not worried. I just call on God, rebuke the thing, and it immediately runs off and I roll over and go back to sleep.
I might sound crazy. And I never completely believed people who told stories like this; but it's true.
It's not an overwhelming presence, just a little perverse thing. There are many, many stories about people who are awoken by things that people refer to as "ghosts" or "spirits".
Recently in my life, I've made some choices to spend more time in prayer, to increase my work ethic and overall integrity. The youth ministry I've been a part of has been growing, and we are taking ground for the Kingdom in the lives of our students. I feel like we're finally moving in the right direction. My relationship with my savior has gotten deeper. We're more connected in our community and in our larger Foursquare family.
My mentors always told us that when you start actually being effective in the Kingdom, that Satan will start attacking you. He'll do whatever he possibly can to affect your faith for the negative, to try to disconnect you from God.
These small spiritual skirmishes that have been happening in my room kinda suck, because they rob me of precious sleep, but at the same time, they're kinda encouraging, because they let me know that I must finally be doing something right. I've attracted more physical and forceful plans of attack. Usually, the devil can use more subtle attacks and just clean my clock off and then I make bad choices and end up getting off track. I think he's realizing that that time is coming to an end, and so he's getting scared and desperate, and he's trying these weird attacks at night. But if that is all he's got.. I'm not worried. I just call on God, rebuke the thing, and it immediately runs off and I roll over and go back to sleep.
I might sound crazy. And I never completely believed people who told stories like this; but it's true.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Homelessness kinda sucks.
So this weekend we had a youth event. The idea was this: A bunch of students from our youth group came over to our house, and once they arrived we had a bunch of cardboard boxes and duct tape. We built cardboard houses for ourselves then huddled around a fire which was in a large metal trash can. The goal for us was to somewhat relate to the homeless by sleeping outside in cardboard, as though we were homeless. Then the next morning we went to a homeless shelter and helped serve breakfast to the poor and homeless.
Most of the students brought sleeping bags and pillows, and they built themselves marvelous cardboard cabins that kept them mostly warm. I wanted to replicate the experience of homelessness as closely as possible, so I didn't take a pillow or a blanket or a sleepingbag. I didn't build a big cardboard mansion. I just took a piece of cardboard and laid it on the ground, then took another piece of leaned it up against our house. For warmth, I had my socks and shoes, jeans, a thermal top, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and my jacket. That sounds like a lot.. But I cannot even describe how horribly cold I was. And my lean-to kept falling over. And I was cramped in between the cardboard and the side of my house, unable to move, 'cuz if I did the cardboard would fall. My legs went numb first, then my arms. My neck was strained because there was no support of a pillow or anything. I eventually ended up laying on my stomach with my face just pressed against the ground, 'cuz that was the only way I could lay without my neck being in pain.
I managed to get a few hours of sleep in between my shivering and the aching in my joints. But it was a crazy experience. It really gives new meaning to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:22, "To the weak I became weak in order to gain the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that by all means I may save some."
When we went to that homeless shelter the next day, and I was talking to some of those guys, I remembered that moment at 2:38 that morning where I just could not stay in the same position any more, but I was so cold I was afraid to move. And I could relate to this guy, I could on some small level understand his hopelessness. I understood why so many homeless people take naps during the day in parks.. Because it's too cold to try and sleep at night. I honestly think if I became homeless I would stay awake all night walking around trying to stay warm, and then sleep during the day when it was warmer.
This weekend affected me in many ways. I think it's amazing that God has brought me here to this place in my life. I can't express how amazing it was to see the youth of The Resistance Youth participating and serving those in need. It made my heart happy, as they put on smiles and said, "Good morning!" cheerfully, to these dirty smelly old men as they walked past their station in the food line. I got to have a bowl of oatmeal with a mom and her 5 young children. There were those crazy, reclusive people sitting by themselves, hoarding over their food, seeming ready to fight anyone who might try to take it from them. But far more often I saw people sharing with each other, and talking with each other. It was a community of a kind. A community thrown together by the common thread of rejection. Rejection from people, and from our society. It was a community some part of myself could relate to. Many seemed without hope, but there were a few that I could see light reflecting back towards me from their eyes. There was life there, yet. I think those few just need a helping hand. A consistent helping hand. Hote, Pas, Pantote. As long as, some of all types, Always.
Most of the students brought sleeping bags and pillows, and they built themselves marvelous cardboard cabins that kept them mostly warm. I wanted to replicate the experience of homelessness as closely as possible, so I didn't take a pillow or a blanket or a sleepingbag. I didn't build a big cardboard mansion. I just took a piece of cardboard and laid it on the ground, then took another piece of leaned it up against our house. For warmth, I had my socks and shoes, jeans, a thermal top, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and my jacket. That sounds like a lot.. But I cannot even describe how horribly cold I was. And my lean-to kept falling over. And I was cramped in between the cardboard and the side of my house, unable to move, 'cuz if I did the cardboard would fall. My legs went numb first, then my arms. My neck was strained because there was no support of a pillow or anything. I eventually ended up laying on my stomach with my face just pressed against the ground, 'cuz that was the only way I could lay without my neck being in pain.
I managed to get a few hours of sleep in between my shivering and the aching in my joints. But it was a crazy experience. It really gives new meaning to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:22, "To the weak I became weak in order to gain the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that by all means I may save some."
When we went to that homeless shelter the next day, and I was talking to some of those guys, I remembered that moment at 2:38 that morning where I just could not stay in the same position any more, but I was so cold I was afraid to move. And I could relate to this guy, I could on some small level understand his hopelessness. I understood why so many homeless people take naps during the day in parks.. Because it's too cold to try and sleep at night. I honestly think if I became homeless I would stay awake all night walking around trying to stay warm, and then sleep during the day when it was warmer.
This weekend affected me in many ways. I think it's amazing that God has brought me here to this place in my life. I can't express how amazing it was to see the youth of The Resistance Youth participating and serving those in need. It made my heart happy, as they put on smiles and said, "Good morning!" cheerfully, to these dirty smelly old men as they walked past their station in the food line. I got to have a bowl of oatmeal with a mom and her 5 young children. There were those crazy, reclusive people sitting by themselves, hoarding over their food, seeming ready to fight anyone who might try to take it from them. But far more often I saw people sharing with each other, and talking with each other. It was a community of a kind. A community thrown together by the common thread of rejection. Rejection from people, and from our society. It was a community some part of myself could relate to. Many seemed without hope, but there were a few that I could see light reflecting back towards me from their eyes. There was life there, yet. I think those few just need a helping hand. A consistent helping hand. Hote, Pas, Pantote. As long as, some of all types, Always.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Why?
Why?..
A good question to ask yourself.
Today I was thinking about this question, and I began to ask myself 'why'?
Why do I want my church to be bigger? Why do I want us to have state-of-the-art equipment? Why do I want amazing, anointed people up leading worship? Why do I want a big youth ministry with tons of things going on each work, with dozens of student leaders and Youth leaders, with small groups happening all over this city, with groups of students gathering in schools praying? Why do I want our church to grow beyond the walls that we've been in for the last 12 years? Why do I want to see our building PAYED OFF, even though I've only been there for a YEAR and it seems like I'm the ONLY ONE WITH A VISION FOR IT? Why do I LONG for a CHURCH that is DYNAMIC and utilizing every resource to increase the Kingdom of God in my city? Why is what we've been doing for all these years JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? Why am I not satisfied with what we're doing now? Do I think all the faithful people who've been coming to this church YEAR after YEAR, FAITHFULLY GIVING, FAITHFULLY GOING TO OUR PRAYER MEETINGS are NOT GOOD ENOUGH? Why do I think we need a new sound guy, new sound equipment? Can't I appreciate how FAITHFUL the one who we have now has been? Why did I think we needed a new pulpit? DON'T I KNOW THAT THE ONE WE USED TO HAVE WAS GRACIOUSLY DONATED BY AN AMAZING CARPENTER WHO USED TO GO TO THE CHURCH?! Can't I appreciate that? Can't I see how AMAZING the people who go to this church are? How DEEP their roots in Christianity are? Can't I see all the fruit this church has produced over the years? The dozens and dozens and dozens of disciples that have been produced from this church? The young people who've been raised and taught up, and released into the ministry?
Why do I burn inside for more? Why do I BURN INSIDE to see new revelation, new outpouring of the Holy Spirit, why do I BURN inside for truth to be spoken and received by those who've never been able to hear it before?
Why do I WISH people would stop being FATALISTIC and stop crying about how dim the future looks, and do something about the CRAP HEAP that they're living in? Why do I wish people would stop LOOKING AT THE PAST, LOOKING AT THE OLD EMPIRE and WISHING that things could go back to the WAY THEY WERE?!
Why do I wish my leadership wished all these things? Why do I wish my leadership would stand up and do something. Why do I have to be submitted, and watch helplessly. Why do I have to say, "Ok, Pastor. Whatever you want to do."? I want SO BADLY to take the reins. I want SO BADLY to say FINE, IF YOU WON'T DO IT I WILL! But I CAN'T. Because I have to be submitted. I have to be obedient. That's not what God called me to do. And I know that He has me where I am for a reason. I know that if I tried to do that it would probably end up a horrible mess. God has me where He has me, and I know He's going to bless this youth ministry, and I know He has amazing plans for us.
But MAN, I feel like we're struggling for it on our own over here. I feel like if the whole church could just get behind the vision of being bigger than we are now, if the our whole church could just catch a glimpse of where God could take us, man, we'd come alive. I don't want to be a church where we all just sit in our chairs, where we get excited because the Holy Spirit ACTUALLY shows up one morning. I don't want to be a church that is stagnant. I don't want to be a church where the TIDE OF BLESSING IS JUST OUT RIGHT NOW. Oh, sorry, God's not in right now, you'll have to wait for your blessing until later. NO! I want to be a church that believes, "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
I want to be a church that BELIEVES that God is ABLE, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us. Through his mighty power at work within us!
THAT is what I want for our church. I want God to be moving, through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish INFINITELY more than I can even ask or think here in our city, in our church, in our county.
I want our church to be a place where JESUS is. I want us to be more than singing songs, and hear a "hermeneutic-ally"correct sermon, I want our church to be a place where we've done everything we possibly can to invite and allow the Holy Spirit to be there, where we are not satisfied with one freaking salvation a year. I want our church to be a place where HUNDREDS of people are being taught how to be disciples! Not a handful! I want our church to have enough hands where we can do practical things to change the culture from a culture of hurting others and pain and hatred to a culture of love and glorifying God and giving. I want our church to be a church that can say to the mountains in this world MOVE! And BELIEVE that they will move! I want our church to be a place that raises people with that kind of faith.
I could type until my fingers turn into bloody stumps, but I have to tie my shoes and move forward and believe on all these things will happen, and do my best to allow God's mighty power to work through me to see things that are even greater than my vision come to pass.
A good question to ask yourself.
Today I was thinking about this question, and I began to ask myself 'why'?
Why do I want my church to be bigger? Why do I want us to have state-of-the-art equipment? Why do I want amazing, anointed people up leading worship? Why do I want a big youth ministry with tons of things going on each work, with dozens of student leaders and Youth leaders, with small groups happening all over this city, with groups of students gathering in schools praying? Why do I want our church to grow beyond the walls that we've been in for the last 12 years? Why do I want to see our building PAYED OFF, even though I've only been there for a YEAR and it seems like I'm the ONLY ONE WITH A VISION FOR IT? Why do I LONG for a CHURCH that is DYNAMIC and utilizing every resource to increase the Kingdom of God in my city? Why is what we've been doing for all these years JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? Why am I not satisfied with what we're doing now? Do I think all the faithful people who've been coming to this church YEAR after YEAR, FAITHFULLY GIVING, FAITHFULLY GOING TO OUR PRAYER MEETINGS are NOT GOOD ENOUGH? Why do I think we need a new sound guy, new sound equipment? Can't I appreciate how FAITHFUL the one who we have now has been? Why did I think we needed a new pulpit? DON'T I KNOW THAT THE ONE WE USED TO HAVE WAS GRACIOUSLY DONATED BY AN AMAZING CARPENTER WHO USED TO GO TO THE CHURCH?! Can't I appreciate that? Can't I see how AMAZING the people who go to this church are? How DEEP their roots in Christianity are? Can't I see all the fruit this church has produced over the years? The dozens and dozens and dozens of disciples that have been produced from this church? The young people who've been raised and taught up, and released into the ministry?
Why do I burn inside for more? Why do I BURN INSIDE to see new revelation, new outpouring of the Holy Spirit, why do I BURN inside for truth to be spoken and received by those who've never been able to hear it before?
Why do I WISH people would stop being FATALISTIC and stop crying about how dim the future looks, and do something about the CRAP HEAP that they're living in? Why do I wish people would stop LOOKING AT THE PAST, LOOKING AT THE OLD EMPIRE and WISHING that things could go back to the WAY THEY WERE?!
Why do I wish my leadership wished all these things? Why do I wish my leadership would stand up and do something. Why do I have to be submitted, and watch helplessly. Why do I have to say, "Ok, Pastor. Whatever you want to do."? I want SO BADLY to take the reins. I want SO BADLY to say FINE, IF YOU WON'T DO IT I WILL! But I CAN'T. Because I have to be submitted. I have to be obedient. That's not what God called me to do. And I know that He has me where I am for a reason. I know that if I tried to do that it would probably end up a horrible mess. God has me where He has me, and I know He's going to bless this youth ministry, and I know He has amazing plans for us.
But MAN, I feel like we're struggling for it on our own over here. I feel like if the whole church could just get behind the vision of being bigger than we are now, if the our whole church could just catch a glimpse of where God could take us, man, we'd come alive. I don't want to be a church where we all just sit in our chairs, where we get excited because the Holy Spirit ACTUALLY shows up one morning. I don't want to be a church that is stagnant. I don't want to be a church where the TIDE OF BLESSING IS JUST OUT RIGHT NOW. Oh, sorry, God's not in right now, you'll have to wait for your blessing until later. NO! I want to be a church that believes, "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
I want to be a church that BELIEVES that God is ABLE, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us. Through his mighty power at work within us!
THAT is what I want for our church. I want God to be moving, through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish INFINITELY more than I can even ask or think here in our city, in our church, in our county.
I want our church to be a place where JESUS is. I want us to be more than singing songs, and hear a "hermeneutic-ally"correct sermon, I want our church to be a place where we've done everything we possibly can to invite and allow the Holy Spirit to be there, where we are not satisfied with one freaking salvation a year. I want our church to be a place where HUNDREDS of people are being taught how to be disciples! Not a handful! I want our church to have enough hands where we can do practical things to change the culture from a culture of hurting others and pain and hatred to a culture of love and glorifying God and giving. I want our church to be a church that can say to the mountains in this world MOVE! And BELIEVE that they will move! I want our church to be a place that raises people with that kind of faith.
I could type until my fingers turn into bloody stumps, but I have to tie my shoes and move forward and believe on all these things will happen, and do my best to allow God's mighty power to work through me to see things that are even greater than my vision come to pass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
